I Wonder

by Anna Jackson

Sometimes, I wonder

What life might have been like,

If I’d been the ‘better’ version of me,

That I’ve built up in my head.

I wonder

If I might have been

More popular, more loved,

If the words that framed my youth

Might just have been a little kinder.

I wonder

If I would have loved myself more,

If I'd have been able to smile

At that woman I see in the mirror,

Or if I was always going to be broken.

Now I know that I can wonder,

I can dream, I can idealise,

But reality is an unforgiving bitch

And she doesn’t care how I feel.

But I’m scared sometimes,

That If I ever stop wondering

What I could have been,

Then I’ll be forced

To acknowledge that woman,

Waiting in the mirror.

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My name is Anna, I am a university student currently in my third year of a Creative Writing Degree at York St John University. I'm a huge fan of feminist poetry (My favourite poet is Carol Ann Duffy), horror films and video games, all of which tend to influence my creative work.