a dedication to fidget rings
by Kelly Esparza
Content warning: soft allusion to suicide
Anxiety is a circle—
a circular cycle,
a dog chasing its tail,
a Catch-22.
a fidget ring is a circle—
a life loop, an infinite cycle,
a symbol of stability,
and stability is
an anchor when
you thirst for air,
when drowning makes
your belly and your lungs
full.
a pill is a circle—
a savior or a temptation,
a beginning or an end,
but all doses wear off eventually,
and you’d rather not
be on a temporary fix forever,
if you can help it.
a fidget ring twists and turns—
c’est la vie,
but you are in control.
it is your life buoy, too.
hyperventilating makes you
gasp for air and ache for peace.
but a fidget ring is a circle—
all whole and wholesome,
and though Anxiety is a shark
in trepid, icy-cold waters that bites,
you lean into the uncomfy,
grab onto your life raft,
and embody all that is holy.
***
Kelly Esparza (she/her) is a Pushcart Prize-nominated writer and freelance editor who holds BAs in English and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona. She is the editor-in-chief of FLARE Magazine, a literary journal that showcases literature and art about chronic illnesses, disabilities, and mental health, created by those who experience these. Her poetry chapbook, A Spoonie’s Guide to Self-Acceptance, about what it’s like living with lupus is out now with Bottlecap Press, and her writing has appeared in or is forthcoming in Micromance Mag, Prosetrics, Genrepunk Mag, Ink In Thirds, and others. Find out more on her website: kellyesparza.com, and connect with her on Twitter: @Kelly_Esparza7, Instagram/Threads: @kelwritesbooks2, and Bluesky: @kellyesparza.bsky.social
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