A Peculiar Pain

by Sameen Shakya

With all the time in the world, 

I pick open the cabinets

inside my head where I had stored 

memories deemed fit to excavate

for a later day. I think of cities I lost,

relationships made and turned to dust,

Image credit: Sergey Gorban on Unsplahs

and tales of longing, lust and love,

but my thoughts center around a girl

I spoke with briefly on MSN

through my brother’s ping, who only said

I miss you, mistaking me for him.

We spoke for exactly a thousand words

until she figured out that me 

and he were two different entities,

leaving swiftly, while I sat awaiting

my brother’s heavy fist,

with a heavier lump within

what I’d soon learn was my heart.

I’ve written about her at least once a year.

Churning out putrid poetry.

Never able to explain why she made me feel

that sting in my heart, a peculiar pain,

yet I continue writing because I learnt

of loss before I’d ever encountered love,

That has left my heart an empty tomb,

but I write because I think if I keep at it,

dusting, and digging, perhaps within

some forgotten, unthought-of, anterior corridor

I can find the meaning of love, life, and even

it all.

***

Sameen Shakya

Sameen Shakya’s poems have been published in Alternate Route, Cosmic Daffodil, Hearth and Coffin, Roi Faineant and Thin Veil Press, to name a few. Born and raised in Kathmandu, Nepal, he moved to the USA in 2015 to pursue writing. He earned an Undergraduate Degree in Creative Writing from St Cloud State University and traveled the country for a couple of years to gain a more informal education. He returned to Kathmandu in 2022 and is currently based there.