Confused

by Lizzie Case

I sure as hell am confused. Confused about

where to give my energy and my time.

What to pursue and what to leave behind.

How much of this life is meant for pleasure?

Am I expected to try harder, work longer, be

smarter?

Image credit: Dynamic Wang on Unsplash

What truly counts as sin, anyway?

Do I live it up or follow the rules, which is it?

Say no to dessert?

Ignore his late-night text?

Give up the chance to sleep in his t-shirt?

What if I just want to feel good?

And damn, it feels good

The way his fingers trace my thigh

Is it on me to make sure he’s being faithful?

Is it on me to say no when he tries to get lucky

on the first date?

He’ll worship me until he cums,

Because I’m not like other girls, I’m not a prude

So, he empties his load onto me

Until he’s full of nothing but disgust

For me

But I said no two times, and then he got me wet,

and my third no turned into yes

And he got over my boundaries and under my

dress

And I couldn’t even get a goodnight text

Good girls don’t give in that easily

And I was a bad girl for you

That's what I get

But, giving in to temptation doesn't make me a

slut.

Wait, I’m confused.

***

Lizzie Case

Lizzie Case writes poetry, memoir, and fiction that explores intimacy, desire, and selfhood. She works in tech and lives in Brooklyn, NY. This is her first publication.