dead dove: do not eat

by Alyssa Lian Bacay

Image credit: Lucas Lenzi on Unsplash

two truths live in my head:

i am loved.

i am loathed.

all by the same people.

i can’t seem to reconcile them.

i am a microdose of the feeling of being alive.

i am the sunlight,

facing down from above.

i am a warm kiss on your head,

the reminder of a day well spent.

and yet. / and yet.

i am a pair of eyes,

pressure

watching and waiting to pounce.

you see, i will never not find something wrong—

i will crawl up your skin,

live in it,

make it my home.

and when i decide that i am done:

i will chew you up,

sinew, cartilage, blood and blood clot.

i will spit you out.

perhaps, then,

i am like a shot of alcohol.

intense, a burn forced down your throat.

bitter and alive.

sugar. sticky, syrupy sweet.

salt rim. scrunch of the face.

churning in the stomach,

loosening inhibition.

the thrum, and the thrill, and the want.

i am so overwhelming, it hurts.

you knew what you were getting into.

***

Alyssa Lian Bacay

Alyssa Lian Bacay is an Asian American writer from Jersey City, New Jersey who writes poetry and creative nonfiction. At New Jersey City University’s Writing Center, where she works as a Lead Tutor, she has organized and hosted community writing events, including monthly Open Mics. She graduated from New Jersey City University with a degree in Computer Science and a minor in Creative Writing. You can find her at @alyssalianb on Instagram.