Still My Heart It Beats Too Loud

by Nuppu Tanskanen

All the pills they ever gave me

Each one takes a memory

Image credit: SPACEDEZERT on Unsplash

Each one, one less choice

One more day of all my thinking

done for me

Swallow, you twitch

You’re sick enough

Sick enough to never be granted love

Let the chemical monstrosity

tell your man how it really feels

And lose six friends in five hours

When the hospitals don’t devour

money, they’re happy to take

all who ever loved and stayed

Find God in the light but

Careful! Don’t look too long

Don’t look too close

Your empty stares produce nothing taxable

So swallow the pill

Let it kill what there is

left of your heart to kill

Look away from God

and back at the bill

Survival is merely

a question of will

***

Nuppu Tanskanen

Nuppu is a 20 year old writer and poet fascinated endlessly by themes of feminism, marriage, religion and the various roles women fulfill in all three contexts. Outside of writing, she spends most of her time reading the literature of gone-by centuries and taking long, sprawling walks by any body of water she can find.