Where Is The Chaos?

by Tracy Duffy

Image credit: Stock image on Wix

My awareness is owl-like. I lay awake hearing every sound that never becomes a thing, as I check every door, each window and the sleeping children.

Last night’s dinner is unsettled. My eating, so hasty, turns the anxiety into pangs like a house of

dispute. I can’t sleep like the gerbils in my daughter’s room, and I’m frustrated that I’m awake

for no reason. Where is the chaos? Why didn’t someone disturb me? How could my soul

possibly miss the intrusions of the past? The 2 am phone call. The 3 am return home. I must

work out this conditioning. I must recover.

How dare it creep up when all is so well, when there hasn’t been any chaos in years? So as my house sleeps, I gently remind myself, the noise is the wind and the stretching of the floorboards and rafters protecting us. The kitchen is well stocked with food that can be replenished and nourishes us.

My bed awaits me, and it will not jostle me up at mid-sleep, and no one enters my home that is not ‘clean’. I can rest remembering that the chaos blew away when I let go of it, as it dispersed in many directions. The south wind will blow it back only if you call out its name or imagine it to be hiding in the floorboards.

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Tracy Duffy

Tracy writes poetry to share life experiences through community, motherhood and marriage, while working in cosmetology, management and medical services with a BS in Organizational Management. Published in Bacopa, Writers Alliance of Gainesville; Open Door Magazine Labyrinth; Anti-Heroin Chic; Passage; The Sandy River Review; The Bluebird Word; Hudson Valley Writers Guild; Poets for Peace Sunflowers Rising Anthology; SHINE Poetry Series which are posted on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/tracysprayingpetals/