Let Me Rest as a Black Man

by Thomas Beckwith

Image credit: ManuelTheLensman on Unsplash

i hide in the stairwell at work sometimes to take a breather.

            it allows me to take a break from the tax i pay as a Black Man.

i don’t have the pressure of being the white man in that moment…

                        i don’t have to follow an algorithm.

i don’t have people talking about my appearance,

            nor have to dumb myself down to make others feel comfortable.

i don’t have to pretend or use the right tone to not make people

            feel inferior because of the color of my skin.

i don’t have to worry about assimilating to make people

            not feel intimidated because i am educated.

i don’t have to be criticized or judged like i am an endangered species.

            i can hit reset and completely be free even if it is just for a moment.

i know who i am, but most days it is difficult to completely be free.

            i am Black Man, i don’t get to make mistakes.

i am tasked with being a perfectionist.

i don’t get any off days being a Black Man; i don’t get a pass

            when i am frustrated, tired, or depressed.

i must comply, or it’s viewed as if I am defiant.

            there is not enough botox and cosmetic surgery

to stop wear and tear on the body, much less the mind.

            i take a break because the only thing i can do

without people looking at me like i am an endangered species—

                        i am just a Black Man.

***

Thomas Beckwith

Thomas Beckwith is an Assistant Director for the University of Florida’s Office of Academic Support, where he provides support to students including academic coaching, leadership development, and holistic success planning. He also enjoys writing in his authentic voice, finding it to be a therapeutic way to process experiences and overcome past trauma.