Outlier
by Anna Marie Kinkead
They stole morning moments to gaze upon each other
embracing in the sea, they professed their love in a thousand ways
soaring above the banal
nothing average here
Insecurities forgotten
Synapses snapping in synch
Chemistry crackles, and pheromones fly
out of orbit and into the stardust.
They are in love.
Quarrels began, each one they insisted “makes us stronger”
Reading micro expressions
She heard the words that he so wanted to be true
The clouds descended
Diagnosis declared
His smile morphed to flat affect and profound discord.
Silently she stroked his arm, but she could not reach him
Subconsciously he has done the maths
He wants to be rid of her though he doesn't yet know it
Turning his lies to honey because he so wants them to be true
Her insecurities revisit in heightened form
Suddenly ashamed of her one-piece bathing suit
And one finger texting
Acutely aware, now
of her shrunken buttocks and untoned arms
She questioned his desire
And was right
Then the soul broke, as she sank below
Tripping, gripping with him, still her anchor that dragged
And drifted as darkness drew in
Love unravelling as surely as a sweater
Laddered tights exposing their diagnoses
Chemistry less glamorous now
Lithium
Gabapentin
Dopamine
Depression
The shawl of her mourning
Sadly, she muses the paradox of being less than
yet still too much
An outlier in the wildness of her grief
***
Anna Marie Kinkead loves all that is authentic and that speaks to the reality of lived human experience. Her book reviews have appeared in the Journal of Midwifery and Women’s Health. Recently, her creative work has appeared in Down in the Dirt, Wildfire Words, Verse-Virtual, The Khaotic Good and Spillwords. She is currently exploring writing as therapy, distilling what is raw and real, and as a tool for understanding discordance within ourselves.
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